A Carding of Dreams, Woven With Reality Spin Together to Bring You the One and Only
BigDreamer415's Articles
November 1, 2005 by BigDreamer415
Well, it's been close to half a year since I've written, but I plan on finally starting again. I need a place to escape, a place to put my scattered thoughts where someone can read them. Where people I know can't read them.

Life has changed so drastically for me over this summer and fall. This summer was gorgeous. The warm weather brought inspiration, and although I was stressed with the many things I had to do, I thouroughly enjoyed it. Days were spent at the beach, drinking beer and hi...
May 11, 2005 by BigDreamer415
I broke a glass today as I was unloading the dishwasher. I have no idea how I did it, how it happened; but, all of a sudden it just fell. It was almost as if there was no gravity, no motivation to keep it wherever it came from (and that I'm not even sure of). The sound was beautiful. More beautiful than I expected. It's like the chaos and peices everywhere were almost right where they were supposed to be. And, it's almost as if I didn't want to pick them up. The glass was too far gone to ...
May 2, 2005 by BigDreamer415
It just hit me today. I don't know my dad. I mean, I know him, but I don't really. I rarely see him. It's not all his fault. If I'm not working on the weekends when he's home, I'm gone. And, at night, Mom and Dad are busy running Michael around, and don't get home until like 8:30, and then Dad goes straight to bed because he gets up at like 4:00.

This sucks. I realized this because I was thinking about last night. How I had a drink. I don't think he'd care, but it'd still be nice to ...
April 25, 2005 by BigDreamer415
I wrote this in an email I just sent to a friend:

I am now one of those stupid hypocritical, two-faced bratty Christians. And it sucks knowing I'm such a hypocrite. This weekend I got fucking drunk, although I do remember almost everything. I'm not even sure why I did it... and I wasn't stupid about it. I didn't drive, I didn't do anything dumb. It was just a couple girls and me. And, now I'm on a complete guilt trip, but at the same time, I'd probably do it again if I could go back. I...
April 15, 2005 by BigDreamer415
Happy 18th Birthday to me!

I'm finally an adult, but I feel as much a little kid as I always have.

I'm scared to death to be an adult.

March 30, 2005 by BigDreamer415
I have issues. I have issues with authority. I've always had the tendency to go right when someone says left, and have always wanted to push when people pulled.

That's one thing I'm struggling with right now; and have struggled with my whole life. I've been put in Christian schools where I feel the need to go against everything the teachers say. I understand there has to be structure, but even for the few months I had two classes in school, I skipped. I've had legalism hanging over me ...
March 21, 2005 by BigDreamer415
I don't cry. But, today I cried.

I cried for Justin and his broken heart. I cried because I didn't see it coming. I cried because I realized exactly what was going on.

I cried for Sam who said she looked longingly at the knives sitting on that counter. I cried because her only outlet was alcohol.

I cried for Megan and her self-inflicted wounds. I cried because she cries. I feel dark because they feel dark. I cried because of all the backstabbing and hurt that we're all face...
March 21, 2005 by BigDreamer415
“Rules without relationship lead to rebellion.”

As I get older, naturally I’m learning more and will even go as far as to say I’m becoming wiser. I’m sure I’ll never reach a state of nirvana in the little wisdom I have, but accomplishing and realizing life and what it’s all about is something I feel I’m learning and growing more in everyday.

The only thing I know for certain is that nothing is certain except that God is God. The only thing constant in the world today is change. I’m ...
March 7, 2005 by BigDreamer415
Still wondering
Where I went wrong
What I said, or could have
What I did, or should have
I tore your heart out?

I asked for an apology
And that you finally gave to me
But, smiling you walk on
Like nothing ever happened
Say you're moving on
But you don't really change
You think you know it all
But, you love to watch us fall
Flat on our faces
You've done this for us?
But all you've turly done
Is cuss
Us out
In your own quiet way
You've blown us off
With a scoff
You leave us ...
February 25, 2005 by BigDreamer415
"That's pimp," my brother said at the dinner table tonight. About what, I have no idea.

"What did you say?" Mom asked.

Dad budded in, "It's different than you think." After pondering for a while, he looks at me, "Isn't it like when you play a practical joke on someone?"

All I can do is laugh. "It's like pimping up a car," Dad tries, not so confidently. I'm enjoying this thouroughly.

"There's only one definition for the word 'pimp'." Mom walks into the schoolroom and briskly grab...
February 23, 2005 by BigDreamer415
That's all I want to know.

February 8, 2005 by BigDreamer415
Umm... okay. I just had the strangest thing happen. I use two different AOL screen names, never at the same time, though. So, I'm under screenname1, and see my other self (screenname2) that I had added to my list. I read my info, which had two of my quotes on it that were there. Only, I had put about 8 or 9, probably. I checked the online time, which was 57 minutes. So, I say "hey" to whoever this was and did a smiley face. They logged off. I really don't like this, and have no idea how...
February 3, 2005 by BigDreamer415
Here are pictures from Winter Formal. Let's see if my first attempt at putting my pictures on here works. Emily and me (R).All of us.~Sarah
February 1, 2005 by BigDreamer415
While on a two-day vacation with a couple friends this weekend/yesterday, along with having an amazing time, I was challenged through some questions one friend asked. Yesterday, in the midst of asking random questions about boys and colleges, she said, "Oh, guys, here's a question. What do you think is the biggest problem in our society today?" I really didn't have to think twice. After a minute of pensive thinking, my other friend agreed. The second question she challenged us with was, "So, wha...
January 25, 2005 by BigDreamer415
I've been going steady with him for one year now. Sometimes I'm really into him, and sometimes not so much. We've had our moments where we won't see each other for a few days. But I've also had my days where I have to visit him 8 times a day. I've shared my secrets with him and am so happy that Anne (tangledwishesanddreams), with the help of google, introduced me to him. He's been so wonderful. He's always there to listen whenever I have something to share. Thank you, my dear JoeUser for ...